An attitude of gratitude

It's been 5 months since I started this journey to a better me. 5 months since I lay in my bed and prayed that God would take the breath from my lungs. I begged him not to wake me up the next morning unless He would show me a way out of the hell I was enduring every day. That was then. This is now. I am 102 pounds lighter. People ask me everyday.."How do you feel?" My only response is "like a completely different person!" And it feels great. The title of this blog is a journey to effortless, and holy buckets am I getting there. I can run two flights of stairs without being winded whatsoever. Before, I could barely make it in from the parking lot at work without looking and sounding like I was on mile 25 of the Boston Marathon. I walk faster, move easier, and have more energy. Sure, there is still a lot of head work that needs to be done, and that may never go away. The emotional scars run deep for me and there is always that little voice in the back of my head saying in a little sing songy voice...you are still fat, you are still ugly, no one loves you, you are a dirty, disgusting little girl. But that voice at least is getting quieter, and I am starting to love myself regardless of that annoying little bastard. I am proud of myself. Proud that with everything on my plate, 2 jobs and going to school, and trying to manage life at home, I am still successful. I am still sticking to my guns and eating healthy. I balance many things day to day, and sometimes, I feel like there is too much, but one thing I know for sure, is that I am worthy of seeing this journey to the end. No matter how much I have on my plate, this journey, this quest to a better, happier, healthier me, remains priority #1. As long as I am doing what I think is best for me, the rest will fall into place. I also want to take a second to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who read this blog who I know personally, and those whom I have never even met. Without your support and encouragement, this would have been so much more difficult. Thank you for taking time to reach out to me with kind words on facebook, or calling or texting me, or sending cards. There were days when I wanted to give up, but because someone took the time to reach out and encourage me, I didn't. And that is why I am where I am today...102 pounds lighter.