Quotable Quote

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” -Swami Sivananda

I posted this on my facebook wall earlier in the week. For those of you who know me well, I am a big quote person. I love the wisdom they provide, and somehow, I can always find one to fit exactly what it is I am going through. This one was particularly powerful for me this week. I realized that what this man talks about in his quote, is exactly what I have been doing my whole life, and I can say with certainty, that I am not alone. I have been emotionally running from all the hurt in my life for so long, that it's all I knew how to do. I would shut people out if they got too terribly close. A few years back, I had some fairly serious medical problems. The bills were stacking up on top of debt that I already had, and I was terrified because I didn't know how to get our from underneath it all. Instead of opening the bills, or calling to make payment arrangements, I would ignore them as if they didn't exist. I realize that this makes zero sense, but I was afraid. However, by putting up those walls, and numbing myself to the urgency of that situation, I have suffered because of it. It didn't do good things for my credit, and also shredded my self worth and personal integrity. I am sharing this topic because it's been a source of pain for a long long time. Because I chose to ignore those problems, they created more problems and more shame, and more problems and more shame. Again, a vicious cycle. I just kept running, and running and running, and it got me to almost 400 pounds. So, I faced that challenge head on. It was scary as hell to face it. I was angry and ashamed and felt like a piece of crap. But I am happy to say that today, I have 90% of all that debt paid off, and I now make very different choices financially. And Mr.Sivananda is correct. Peace IS found in victory and not in denial, and I will choose to never forget that. I once heard somewhere that you should do something everyday that scares you....and for me today, sharing this story of shame was it. There is hope, there is peace, but you just have to choose it.